In A Glaze

SO, ANOTHER NATIONAL DOUGHNUT DAY is upon us, spanning the first Friday and Saturday every June. Dunkin' Donuts has upped its own ante from last year's free doughnut giveaway to as off today, featuring a Glazed Doughnut Breakfast Sandwich. The sandwich officially is "pepper fried egg and cherrywood-smoked bacon between a sliced gazed doughnut.

I assume most people's eyes glazed over when they first found out about this new creation, either in disgust or with culinary lust. I approached the handful merely as a curiosity, braving an early Friday rain to venture to the DD a couple blocks away.

Once back home, the first surprise removing still-wrapped sandwich was that it felt, in my hand, smaller than expected. Slightly yet noticeably smaller than their regular doughnuts.

Relieving it of its paper incasing, the sandwich had somewhat fallen apart, as in the egg was mostly out from between the doughnut halves and the two paper thin strips of cherrywood-smoked bacon were sloppily double-folded upon themselves, taking up only a quarter if the sandwich.

Once concentrically rearranged, I finally was able to take my first bite....

Pretty much everything I expected, and less. Now, to be honest, I am admittedly not a "sweets" person. At least not in large amounts. One bite was tasty. I tasted like I bit into a glazed doughnut and, before chewing, put some egg and bacon in my mouth as well. The theory is that even the pedestrian food consumer is so aware of the ideological "savory/sweet" ideal of food that they would seek it if it were promoted, even at a fast food joint.

And I'm sure this could work if it came out of a "real" kitchen. But this is a fast food chain. In all fast food chains I've yet to find an egg that resembles anything in taste—and even appearance often—as a real egg. The yolk of the egg in the sandwich was akin to a "Cheetos orange" and was fried with no discernible pepper I could taste or even see. The whispers of bacon were bereft of any heft, salt, smoke, "cherrywood", crisp, or real chew.

The doughnut—something DD actually does prove skilled with—was light, aromatic, and airy, with their patented glaze of sugar melted just past granulation.

Now, I've enjoyed an excellent egg and biscuit sandwich, that came with real smoked ham and thick, sweet fig jam. It was one of the best breakfast sandwiches I had ever had.

But when food chains process their foods primarily for profit (diligently skirting the edges of FDA approvals in these efforts), the outcome could only be subpar. I had a McDonald's McGriddles (another egg and meat breakfast sandwich, with maple-sweetened pancakes as the "bread") when they first came out almost 15 years ago. It was tasty enough to finish, but to this day, it's still the only McGriddle I've ever had.

And this is why I suffer for you, my readers. I make the mistakes so you don't have to. If you want to celebrate National Doughnut Day(s), Dunkin' Doughnuts is still a viable venue. Enjoy it with the tasty coffee they serve as well. But do yourself a favor, and keep the eggs and bacon out of it.

Glazed Doughnut Breakfast Sandwich

Kerry Alaric Cheeseboro